One woman remembers getting out of her car in a crowded parking lot to scream at another driver who had just outmaneuvered her. Another tells of breaking down at an airport when her flight was delayed. Many normally patient mothers yell at their children and then feel especially guilty, since they are simultaneously terrified of leaving these same children motherless.
Try to be easy on yourself. Lower your usual expectations. During this initial diagnostic phase, it is probably wise to cancel what you can. Delegate. Reschedule. Focus on yourself and your own needs. Some women find it really helpful to get away for a day or two. Others find it difficult to be alone and ask friends and family to be with them. This is the time to put yourself first and to ask for help, as you need it.
Breast cancer is not a medical emergency. It is a crisis in your life, but it is not an emergency. You can safely take some time to seek another opinion. You need to know what your choices are. After your doctor has explained to you what alternatives would be reasonable for you, you should prepare yourself to make as fully informed a decision as you can. There are many sources of information: books, pamphlets, journal and magazine articles, the Internet, the National Cancer Institute and American Cancer Society information hotlines, etc. Take the time you need to gather information from different sources. Contact other women who have had breast cancer treatment; talk to them about their experiences and ask questions. Many of us have called friends of friends, perfect strangers, who have had breast cancer. Invariably, we found these women were supportive and helpful in answering our questions. Depend on the kindness of strangers. As you gather information, you may find numbers or statistics that are disturbing or frightening. Ask your doctor for clarification, and remember that you are an individual, not a statistic! That is, a statistic is not your personal fate, but is a general observation about a large number of women.
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