As we all know from observing ourselves and the people around us, there is a lot of variety in human attitudes and behaviour. Some of the differences are the result of cultural heritage; others, of family attitudes. What is perfectly acceptable behaviour in one group might be considered entirely abnormal by another.
Realistic attitude towards life
The normal, emotionally mature adult faces facts whether they are pleasant or unpleasant. For example, he likes to drive his car, but he realizes that there are definite dangers attached to driving. Because he is mature, he takes special care to check the brakes, tyres, lights, and all the essential parts of his car at reasonable intervals. The immature person may say, ‘Accidents never happen to me, and refuse to take any precautions. Another type of immature individual may check his brakes every day and still lose sleep at night worrying about accidents.
Independence
The mature person forms reasoned opinions and then acts on them. He is not reckless or headstrong and seeks a reasonable amount of advice. Once he has the facts, he is capable of making a decision. He is willing to face the consequences of his decisions.
On the other hand, the immature person often has difficulty making up his own mind. He wants his relatives or friends or business associates to tell him how to proceed. When he is forced to make decisions alone, he may become upset, nervous, or even panic-stricken.
Ability to love others
The normal adult gets pleasure out of giving love to his children, spouse, close relatives and friends. Such a person is selective in love relationships and does not need a huge circle of friends and acquaintances. On the opposite side, the immature person finds it difficult to love others and wants always to be loved, to be fussed over, and to be the centre of attention wherever he goes.
Reasonable dependence on others
A mature person not only gives others affection and love; he also enjoys receiving them. The capacity for both giving and receiving love is dependent upon how a person feels about himself. The adage ‘Love thy neighbour as thyself implies that self-regard precedes regard for others. The ability to share, to give, and to receive love and friendship indicates that a person is flexible and adaptable.
Moderate reactions of anger and hatred
The normal person gets angry, of course, but he restrains his anger to reasonable limits. He may have to curb his temper in the face of petty annoyances, but he will try to work off his pent-up feelings by hitting a tennis ball rather than by hitting his children.
Ability to make long-range choices
The mature person can forgo an immediate gratification for the sake of long-range goals. For example, a mature young couple may decide to put off marriage for a few years in order to complete their education and get started in life.
Relaxed conscience
The normal person accepts responsibility and does his job well, but he enjoys his leisure hours and vacations. He and his conscience are at home with each other. The poorly adjusted person always feels driven to accomplish things, rarely enjoys his work, and is always worrying about how things could have been done better.
Good adjustment at work
A normal person usually likes his work and does it as well as he can. He does not change jobs often. When he does, it is on the basis of a realistic appraisal of the job and of the opportunity of getting another.
Love and tolerance for children
The mature adult likes children and takes time to understand their special needs. He will almost always take a few minutes off, no matter how busy he is, to help a three-year-old who is building with blocks or to answer the many questions of an older child.
Good sexual adjustment
The normal adult makes a good sexual adjustment. He or she is not prudish and enjoys the sexual act with a loved one of the opposite sex. Such a person does not need additional self-assurance or stimulation from love affairs or prostitutes.
Sexual adjustment also means accepting oneself as a male or female without conflict. It includes understanding the special problems of the other sex, and accepting the emotional difficulties these create.
Capacity for continued emotional growth
The ability to learn and grow emotionally is characteristic of the normal individual. This makes it possible for him to age gracefully, for understanding increases even though the ageing person has reached or passed his prime in other ways.
The normal person is human
There is a limit to what even the normal, healthy person can take. The well-adjusted person is not absolutely secure from all danger of cracking up, at least temporarily.
Pressures are sometimes dramatically extreme, but everyday life can also be frustrating to the point of explosion. The businessman under pressure to make a profit, the student obliged to achieve good grades, the assembly line worker forced to meet a quota—people in many situations must find acceptable outlets for life’s daily pressures.
A psychiatrist, the late Dr. Karen Horney, spoke of three basic character types: those who move towards people, those who move against people, and those who move away from people. These might become, respectively, a successful salesman, a competitive athlete, and a philosopher. Under unfortunate circumstances, the same types might become, respectively, a playboy, a gunman, and a recluse.
Healthy, well-adjusted men and women are subject to human tensions, but they are able to find ways to relieve the tensions without excessive anxiety. You may have already found some of these ways yourself. Here are my suggestions for dealing with emotional upsets: Talk over your worries with a sympathetic friend, relative, doctor,
or anyone else whose judgement you respect. Get away for a while, even if only for a walk. Work off your anger, preferably in some physical activity. Take one thing at a time, especially if you feel overwhelmed by the
pressures of too much to do. Give in sometimes, even if you are certain that you are right. But
face the fact that you might be wrong. Help others. Preoccupation with yourself and your own troubles can
become a vicious circle. Be slow with criticism. Awareness of your own shortcomings and of
others’ is no excuse for harsh criticism. Co-operate. We live in a competitive society, but many situations call
for a co-operative effort. If you compete all the time, you might be
too worn out to enjoy success when you achieve it. Above all, develop a capacity for contentment. Take pleasure in your
physical well-being, in your surroundings, in the small gratifications of your daily life. Learn to enjoy your own company and the
companionship of the people you really care for.
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